Christian Jokes! Your Jokes!

Your Jokes!

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Hi! My name is Gem
If you like my joke, mail me at gemwelch@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: a man was hiking through a forest and was becoming very tired. then he stumbled upon a farm that had plenty of horses.he asked the farmer if he could borrow one."well son,"the farmer said,"i can only lend u one cause all the others are working.but it is a special horse.if u want to make it go say praise the Lord, and if u want it to stop say amen. now the man climbed on and shouted praise the Lord, the horse ambled along it picked up speed after a time and didn't stop.by this time the man could not remember what to say to make it stop.he saw a cliff Right in front of him.then he started to pray of course at the end of he said amen.he horse stopped right at the adge of the cliff.the man breathed a sigh of relief and shouted praise the Lord.....

Hi! My name is Zach
If you like my joke, mail me at zakamaniak@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: one day there was this little girl and said can a whale swallow a man.the teacher said no it is phisically impossible.the girl said dont you believe the story of jonah and the whale the teacher said yes but it is phisically impossible for a whale to swallow a man.well when i go to heaven i am going to ask jonah if he really got swallowed by a whale.the teacher said what if jonah went to you know where.the little girl replied then you ask him

Hi! My name is Keppers
If you like my joke, mail me at ibkitty322@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There are only eaghtteen latters in the alphabet becouse E.T went home in his U.F.O and the C.I.A wentafter him.

Hi! My name is Tiffany
If you like my joke, mail me at miss_tiffany@gmail.cjb.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: The photographer for a National Magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he franctically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled "Let's go Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the North side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

Hi! My name is Anna
If you like my joke, mail me at aratj@blomand.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day a princess walked over to her prince and she said, "I want every person in my wonderful kingdom to come to the palace to visit me..." And then the prince replied to his beautiful wife, "But, Hunny, how could we fit so many people in one kingdom?" She answered, saying, "It says in the Bible, That we can do ALL things through God," He simply replied, "Hunny, now don't take that out of-context!" =) (That was probly really bad...*laugh*)

Hi! My name is Jennifer Knautz
If you like my joke, mail me at jenn16jenn20@yahoo.com
and tell me!
Ok...here it is:

WHY DID THE GUM CROSS THE ROAD? IT WAS STUCK TO THE CHICKENS FOOT!

Hi! My name is Hannah
If you like my joke, mail me at smartblonde35@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A man was talking to God and he askes God, "God, since you made everything, what is money to you?" God answered, "Well, one million dollars to you would be one penny to me." The man thinks and askes, "God, since you have been around forever, what is time to you?" God replies, "Well my son, one second to me would be one million years to you." The man thinks some more and askes, "God, can I have a penny?" God replies, "In a second."

Hi! My name is Shane Stringer
If you like my joke, mail me at F.O.T. Sandy at aol
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day a man decided he was going to skip church to take a walk in the woods, and he did. When he was walking he saw a bear and the bear saw him. Then the bear started to chase him. He fell down a hill and the bear came up to him and was about to eat him but before it did he started to prey and he said "dear Lord, please make this bear a christian." and right then he saw the bear fold his paus together and said " dear Lord, please bell this food I am about to eat."

Hi! My name is Jessica
If you like my joke, mail me at i_c_dumb_people@teenmag.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day a boy is late for class and the teacher askes him where he has been he says,"on top of Blue Barey Hill.The teacher says,"ok".Then another boy comes in and the teacher asks him where he has been," he says Blue Barey hill.Then the teacher starts to wonder.Then a girl walks in, and the teacher asks her where she has been,then she starts to say somthing and the teacher says let me guess Blue Barey Hill,then the girl says,"no,I am Blue Barey Hill."

Hi! My name is Ron
If you like my joke, mail me at nighthawk89us
and tell me! Ok...here it is: there was a lady went into a grociery store and said my husband is realy sick and I have four kids so can I charge some food? the maneger said no you dont have an account with our store so another costomer said ill go good for what the lady needs the maneger asked if the lady had a grocery list she said yes he said put it on the scale and how ever much it weighs you can have that many pounds of groceries she took out a slip of paper and wrote somthing on it and put it on a scale and the scale went down as far as it would go so the maneger started putting groceries on another scale and the scale and the needle didn't move they stacked until no more could fit the lady smiled and left the maneger and left the costomer handed the maneger a 50 dollar bill and left the maneger picked up the paper and said this is no grocery list on it it said God you know what I need I leave it in your hands

Hi! My name is rachel
Ok...here it is: This man is driving down an old two lane country road. He comes up on a farm when all of a sudden a three legged chicken runs out in front of him. As the man speeds up to pass the chicken, the chicken speeds up. the faster the man goes the chicken runs faster, the man is driving at about 70 mph and the chicken is still faster. The man stops at the farm down the road to talk to the farmer. He askes the farmer if he owned the chicken and askes him why it had three legs. The farmer tells the man that he is breeding three legged chickens so if there is a family with three kids that like the legs all three of them get one. The man says

Hi! My name is Jenn The Elms Fan
If you like my joke, mail me at eeyorejlt@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There once was an elderly pastor repainting his old church. He worked hard all day, and when he was nearly finished, he looked down to see that he was on his last can of paint, and wouldn't have nearly enough to finish. Deciding it would do no harm, carfully poured in some water, and mixed in the paint till he was sure he'd have enough. After completing his task, he headed in to the shed to put his brushes away, when it started to rain. To his horror, the paint started running off the sides of the building. Suddenly, he heard a thundering voice from heaven...

Hi! My name is Veronica
If you like my joke, mail me at precious_lkitty@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Noah was in his back yard building the Ark when his neighbor coes along and says" Hey Noah, whatcha doin'?" Noah says " I can't tell you" His neighbor says "Awwww, c'mon" Noah" No, I can't" Neighbor " Why not?" Noah " 'Cause I can't" Neighbor " C'mon, just give me a little hint" Noah *sighs* " Okay.......... How long can you tread water...........

Hi! My name is Pete
If you like my joke, mail me at chubbypete_07
and tell me! Ok...here it is: We could call everyday sunday because everyday the sun comes up.

Hi! My name is pete
If you like my joke, mail me at chubbypete_07@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: why do they call them mailboxes when there are in a box shape at all.

Hi! My name is Pete
If you like my joke, mail me at chubbypete_07@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A blonde,Brunette, and a red head were all running from the police. They ran into a back alley and dived into potatoe bags. When the police turned the corner they kicked the first bag and the brunette said "MEOW". So the police thought it was a cat and went to the second bag and kicked it. The red head said "bark, Bark". So the police thought it was a dog so they went to the next bag. When they kicked this bag the blonde says "PPPPOOOTTAAATTOO"

Hi! My name is Brandy
If you like my joke, mail me at called2witness7@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Ok, well there is this guy named Tom. He recently had a new beautiful blonde move in next door. One day Tom was mowing his yard and the blonde came out and went to her mailbox then slammed it shut and stomped back into her house. A few minutes later she came out again and went to her mailbox and slammed it shut even harder and ran back into the house. About 3 minutes later she came back out and, with a furious look on her face, went to the mailbox yet again. She slammed it shut harder than ever nearly breaking it. She screamed, and on her way back to the house Tom, astonished with his new neihgbor's behavior, politly asked the blonde why do you keep running out, slamming you mailbox, and going back into your house angry? The blonde then replied my stinkin computer keeps saying you've got mail! HAHAHA!

Hi! My name is a name? i don't have a name.
If you like my joke, mail me at peppermint828@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: ok, here's the deal. there's this brunette, and a redhead, and a blond and theyre about to be excecuted, ya know, where they have a bunch of people line up with guns and they shoot the person. ok, well, the brunette goes out there to be shot, and the excecutioner goes, "ready..... aim......" suddenly the brunette screams, "tornado!!" so everybody freaks out and she escapes in the pandemonium. then the redhead comes out, and just as the excecutioner yells, "ready.......aim......" she yells, "hurricane!!" and escapes in the pandemonium. then the blond comes out, and the excutioner shouts, "ready.......aim....." and the blond screams with all her might, "FIRE!!!!"

Hi! My name is danielle
If you like my joke, mail me at djredneck4ever@cs.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: forrest gump died and went to heaven.the angel at the gate said since you were such a good actor ,if you answer these three questions correctly we will let you in.forrest agreed.the angel said what are the two days of the week that begin with "t"? he said today and tommorrow.the angel said no but i'll give it to ya. so then the angel said forrest you were real smart in school lets see if you remember how many seconds are in a year.forrest said 12.12 the angel said how did you come up with that?he said you know january 2nd , feburary 2nd. the angel said ok i'll give to ya.so the angel said if you dont answer this one correctly you dont make it in.forrest said ok i'm ready.so the angel asked what is that man up there's name? he said andy.ANDY? how did you come up with that?he replied,we used to sing about him every sunday andy walks with me andy talks with me andy tells me i am his own.(and he walks with me and he talks ...)

Hi! My name is Gem
If you like my joke, mail me at gemwelch@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Which bible character had no parents? Joshua,the son of Nun.

Hi! My name is Shortcake
If you like my joke, mail me at qmagicalmeq@aol,com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Is Your Computer Possessed by a Demon? From the Weekly World News... SAVANNAH, Ga.-- Your computer may be possessed by a demon, a leading minister warns. "While the Computer Age has ushered in many advances, it has also opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls," said the Reverend Jim Peasboro, author of an upcoming book, The Devil in the Machine. Demons are able to possess anything with a brain, from a chicken to a human being. And today's thinking machines have enough space on their hard drives to accommodate Satan or his pals. "Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit," the minister confirmed. The Savannah clergyman says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers," he said. "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations. "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally. "One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.'" The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his surprise, an artificial intelligence program fired up -- without him clicking it on. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn liar.'" Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook. "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" Since, then, Rev. Peasboro has researched the problem further and uncovered alarming facts. "I learned most of the youths involved in school shootings like the tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs," he said. "I have no doubt that computer demons exerted an influence on them." The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in America now houses some type of evil spirit. Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under warranty, take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently."

Hi! My name is SARAH
If you like my joke, mail me at SARAHBROHAWN@HOTMAIL.COM
and tell me! Ok...here it is: 1ST, A ESPENATE IS THE CEMENT WALL ON A HI-WAY.(IF I SPELT IT RIGHT) A ROOKIE COP WAS TOLD ''WHEN YOU COME UP ON A CAR RECK SCENE WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN.'' SO HE WAS CALLED TO GO TO THIS CAR RECK AND HE GETS OUT AND WRITES BLUE CAR: HEAD IN DITCH. GREEN CAR: HEAD IN DITCH. RED CAR: HEAD ON ESPINATE. ''ESP MMM NO NO ESIP MMM AUGH (DO THIS!-->KICK THE AIR<--!!) HEAD IN DITCH. HAHA BECAUSE HE COULDNT SPELL ESPENATE HE JUST KICKED IT IN THE DITCH.

Hi! My name is Stephen
If you like my joke, mail me at SchwiffBug@chatterbees.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: clean? Clean jokes suck. oh well there are SOME funny clean ones, hey cya

Hi! My name is Jonathan
If you like my joke, mail me at jdlloyd@skyenet.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was a tradesman, a painter called Jacque who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a little bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually a diocese decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest churches. Jacque put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine. Well, Jacque was up on the scaffolding, painting away. The job was nearly completed when, suddenly, there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky seemed to open and the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church. Suddenly a bolt of lightning struck and knocked Jacque for a loop. He flew from the scaffold landing, landing on the lawn, amongst the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Jacque was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "O God! Forgive me for all the wrong I have done! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.... "Repaint! And thin no more!"

Hi! My name is JANIE RUBIO
If you like my joke, mail me at rubiojuanita@hotmial.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: there where three guys who were in the desert. they had not eaten for three days. they saw a dead animal a couple of feet away. when they got there two of them starded eating the dead animal. one of them didn't instead he was saying things for them to throw up what they had eaten. when they finaly did the guy said mmm that is how i like it really warm.

Hi! My name is Matt
If you like my joke, mail me at Patriot_307@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: If Barbie is so popular then why do you have to buy her freinds?

Hi! My name is Michael
If you like my joke, mail me at citohcap@citoh.co.za
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Hi there, I've entered my email address in the Sign Me Up block, to receive daily jokes & I've subscribed to you already but I keep getting the message from Email.com: E-mail address left out? Please can you reply. Thanks, Michael E-mail: citohcap@citoh.co.za

Hi! My name is Renee
If you like my joke, mail me at Renee@chilled-out-in-ibiza.co.uk
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A teacher was telling her class that it is phisically impossible for a whale to swallow a human, because a whale's throat is tiny. And a little girl stood up and said "when I get to heaven, I'll ask Jonah" and the teacher asked "what if Jonah went to hell?" and the little girl replied with, "then you ask him"!!!!

Hi! My name is Jessica
If you like my joke, mail me at Jessica152003@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Why??

Hi! My name is Heather Malott
If you like my joke, mail me at hitz_pride@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was a woman who had a hard time controlling her spending. One day she came home after buying an expensive dress. Her husband said, "honey, why did you spend so much money!" The woman replied "the devil made me do it!" Her husband said, "Haven't you learned at church to say 'get thee behind me satan?'" The woman answered, "I told him to get behind me and he said the dress looks even better from there."

Hi! My name is Buddy's $.99 burger
If you like my joke, mail me at socks61@canoemail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: What is it called when a microphone barfs? Feed Back! hahahahahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa1

Hi! My name is Annie
If you like my joke, mail me at rwshouse@yesic.ocm
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Knock, knock ~who's there? Dogs ~dog's who? No they don't - they bark!

Hi! My name is Ben Heap
If you like my joke, mail me at webmaster@bheap.freeserve.co.uk
and tell me! Ok...here it is: I guy breaks into a house and is creeping across the pitch black living room when he hears a voice, "WATCH OUT, Jesus is behind you!" Startled he flicks on his flashlight and breathes a sigh of relief to see a parrot in front of him. Again the parrot says "Watch Out Jesus is behind you." The robber says to the parrot, "What's your name then?" and the parrot replies "Moses." The robber laughs and says, "Who on earth would call a parrot Moses?!" and the parrot says, "the same one that would call a rottweiler Jesus!"

Hi! My name is Jonathan
If you like my joke, mail me at jdlloyd@skyenet.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: The Sunday before an upcoming mission project, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

Hi! My name is Rachel
If you like my joke, mail me at r_goertz26@yahoo.ca
and tell me! Ok...here it is: (man) One day a man asked God is it true that 2 years are like 2 days to you (God)Yes That's true (man)O.K. then is it true that 2 cents is like 2 million dollers to you (GOD)yes that's true (man)O.K. then God can I have 2 cents (GOD)sure in 2 minutes

Hi! My name is Matt
If you like my joke, mail me at imalways@ilovejesus.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A little boy really wanted $100 to buy a new bicycle, and because his parents wouldn't give him the money, he wrote a letter to God requesting the money. The postal authorities received the letter addressed to "God" - "Australia". The postal Authorities decided to send it to the Prime Minister, John Howard. The Prime Minister was so touched by the boys letter that he sent back the letter with $5. The Prime Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with his gift and sent a thank-you note to God. It read: "Dear God, thank you for the money, but i noticed for some reason you had to send the letter via Canberra, Australia and, as usual, those scumbags deducted 95%!"

Hi! My name is Kyle U
If you like my joke, mail me at hal_candle_LK
and tell me! Ok...here it is: You know how golfers yell "Fore!"? Well, now there is a new rule! When you have a bad shot yell "GORE!!" and you can just forget about that shot and do it all over again! This will definitely improve my game!

Hi! My name is April
If you like my joke, mail me at me@me.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Lalalala

Hi! My name is Sarah
If you like my joke, mail me at SisterInChrist@integrity.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: How do you get an elephant into a fridge?.....Open the door and shove him in. How do you get a garaff into a fridge?.....Take the elephant out and shove him in. All of the animals are having a Lion King convention. What animal is not there?.....The garaff, he was in the fridge. Your standing on the bank of a river that is the home of MANY MANY different kinds of 'gators. How do you get across?.....You swim, 'cause all of the 'gators are at the Lion King convention.

Hi! My name is Kaiti
If you like my joke, mail me at starfrog2016@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Once there was an old woman, and it was her 80th birthday. She had three very rich sons who decided that they wanted to do something special for their mother's birthday. The oldest son got her a really nice, huge mansion that many people would fit in, and it was just beautiful. The middle son bought her a new and very expensive limo, complete with driver. The youngest son got his mother a parrot. This parrot could say any verse in the Bible. If you said "John 3:16" the parrot would say that verse. It was a very special parrot, and it took a group of Sunday School teachers 12 years to teach the parrot to recite the entire Bible. Anyway, the mothers birthday came and went, and it was time for her to write her thank you notes. The first one read: Dear son, Thank you so much for the mansion. I only live in two rooms of it, and I still have to clean the whole thing, but it is a really nice house. Thank you. Love, Mom. The second one went like this: Dear Son, thank you so much for the new limo. Even though I don't get out much, and the driver is rather rude, thank you for the new car. Love, Mom The third one said this: Dear Son, You know exactly what a mother needs. You gave me exactly what I always wanted. Thank you so much for the chicken, it was delicious! Love, Mom

Hi! My name is chris
If you like my joke, mail me at gtarguy5@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? -cause he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -cause he was stapled to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -peer pressure Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? -he thought he was a monkey

Hi! My name is mack
If you like my joke, mail me at tomatotitleist@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: if we say elephant and elevator... why do we pronounce eleven differently?

Hi! My name is Nikki
If you like my joke, mail me at GodsDesire17@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was a man walking along the sidewalk and he came upon a talking frog. The frog said to the man, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a princess." The man ignored the frog and went on about his business. The next day the man came upon the frog again. The frog said to the man, "Hey, I said if you kiss me I'll turn into a princess." So the man picks up the frog and puts him into his pocket and takes him to his home. When the man arrives at his home, he takes the frog and sits him on the counter. The frog says to the man, "I said if you kiss me I'll turn into a frog." The man says, "No, I'd rather have a talking frog than a nagging women any day!"

Hi! My name is Pat
If you like my joke, mail me at patriciabastian@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Once there was a really rich lady who had a maid both of them were christians. one day both of them died and went to heaven god was showing them around when they passed the maids house - it was a huge mansions made of dimonds etc. Wow the rich lady thought if my maid got such a big mansion I wonder what I have got I am richer than her. soon they passed a tiny shack and god told the rich lady it was her house. She was startled and asked god why? He said "with what you gave me I could hardly keep this together!"

Hi! My name is Katie Perkins
If you like my joke, mail me at theperkins@dellnet.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: WHY DID THE COACH WENT OUT TO THE FIELD? TO GET HIS QUARTERBACK

Hi! My name is Heidi
If you like my joke, mail me at pepsigirl122@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was a ship that had a captain, some crew, and a guy in the crows nest. One day the guy in the crows nest yells, "One pirate ship." The captain says, "Go get my red shirt." the they fight and they win. The next day the guy in the crows nest yells, "Two pirate ships." the captain agian says,"Go get my red shirt." then they fight and win. The guy comes down from the crows nest and asks the captain, "why every time I tell you there's a pirate ship, you tell me to get you red shirt?" The captain said, "Well, incase i'm wounded and bleed, you don't get discouraged and we fight and we win." So the next day the guy in the crows nest yells, "Three pirate ships." the captainn yells, "GO GET MY BROWN PANTS."

Hi! My name is Marie Hornberger
If you like my joke, mail me at colorful400@cs.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was this flood at first they sent this guy a truck they said to get in or you will drownd he said no God will save me.Next they sent a boat but the guy said that God would save him.Last when he was standing on the roof of his house a hellicpter came but the guy said God will save me.After that he died and when he got to heaven he said God why didn,t you save me.Then God answered I sent you a truck,boat,and a hellicopter what else did you need?

Hi! My name is Karen
If you like my joke, mail me at gsmith@bel.auracom.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: I rock baby and ya better know that im so cool i blow your moind. HAHAHA

Hi! My name is Ruth
If you like my joke, mail me at RuthLancia@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A little boy was staying with his grandmother, and she asked him to make her a cup of coffee, so he went and made her a cup of coffee and brought it to her, well when she was finished drinking the cup of coffee she noticed 3 little green toy soldiers at the bottom of her coffee cup, and so she called her grandson in and asked him why there were 3 little green toy soldiers in the bottom of her cup, and he replied " Well Grandma it's like they say on T.V, The best part of waking up is Soldiers in your cup!"

Hi! My name is Richard R. Vierra
If you like my joke, mail me at crvierra@cwnet.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A man who was a good Christian but only a so-so golfer went out to play a round one summer day. He got up to the first tee and proceeded to slice the ball off the fairway and into a thicket of trees. When he finally located the ball, instead of playing the safe shot and pitching back onto the fairway, he decided to shoot through the trees and go for the green. He took a mighty swing and hit the ball with all he had. The ball shot forward, ricocheted off a tree and struck him right between the eyes. Having passed on to the afterlife so suddenly, the man found himself standing before the Pearly Gates, still clutching the trecherous 3-iron. St. Peter, seeing the club, asked, "So, you play golf? Are you any good?" The man paused. He realized that this would be a bad time to be untruthful, but he didn't want to admit that his skill as a golfer was poor. Finally, it hit him, and with a triumphant smile he responded, "Well, I got here in two, didn't I?"

Hi! My name is hoon
If you like my joke, mail me at hoon_86@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: clean joke please

Hi! My name is Hailey
Ok...here it is: Why do they call them apartments when they are so close together?

Hi! My name is Jeremy
Ok...here it is: A SAN DIEGO PATROLMAN PULLED OVER A DRIVERAND TOLD HIM THAT BECAUSE HE WAS WEARING HIS SEAT BELT, HE HAD JUST WON $5000 IN A SAFETY COMPETITION. "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE MONEY?" THE OFFICER ASKED. "I GUESS I'LL GO TO DRIVING SCHOOL AND GET MY LICENSE," THE MAN ANSWERED. "DON'T LISTEN TO HIM," SAID THE WOMAN IN THE PASSENGER SEAT. "HE'S A SMART ALECK WHEN HE'S DRUNK." THIS WOKE UP THE GUY IN THE BACK SEAT, WHO SAW THE COP AND SAID,"I KNEW WE WOULDN'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR." THEN THERE WAS A KNOCK FROM THE TRUNK AND A VOICE ASKED IN SPANISH,"ARE WE OVER THE BORDER YET?"

Hi! My name is Rae
If you like my joke, mail me at chibimenolly@powerpuff.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day Ms. Katz (a teacher at the local elementary school)decided she was going to prove to her class that there was no God. So after informing her class of her intention, she called little Johnny up to the front of the room. "Johnny," she said, "go to the window." So he did. "Look out and tell me if you see the playground." she instructed him. "Yes," he said. "Do you see the children?" "Well, yes mam." "Go to the door... do you see that tree? That flower? That cloud?" Little Johnny replied "Yes" to all of her queries. Then she asked, "do you see God?" Of course, no was his answer. "So if you cant see him, he must not be there." She concluded. At that, little Susie raised her hand. "Do you mind if I ask Johnny some questions?" "Sure," replied the teacher. "Okay, Johnny. So, you saw the play ground and the children, right?" "Yup," he replied "And you saw the the tree? The flower? The cloud?" "Yup" "And do you see that eraser? That desk?" She continued. "Yup" "Do you see the teacher?" "Yup" "Do you see her brain...?"

Hi! My name is Sean
If you like my joke, mail me at seanisaproducer@email.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day, Jesus was working on a computer. A man asked him why his documents never got lost. God told that "Jesus Saves"

Hi! My name is Bekah
If you like my joke, mail me at bekahdawn01@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: THere was a small family owned hotel in the middle of Kansas that had 3 rooms. They also had private living quarters where the family of 1 boy and 1 girl and the mom and the dad lived with their dog and pet rabbit. One day this man came up and asked for a room, they said they only had one more - and it was really small...the man said he would take it anyways. The next morning the mom...no wait the little girl, goes to each door and nocks on it. When she nocked on the new guys door (named Bob) she asked if he wanted Cheerios or Apple Jacks? the man said Cheerios. Then the girl went to each of the 3 rooms and asked the very same question she asked Bob! They all said cherios! So the girl went downstairs and told her mom they all wanted Cheerios and the mom searved them all cherios and the moral of the story is that people like Cheerios more than Apple Jacks!

Hi! My name is Bekah
If you like my joke, mail me at bekahdawn01@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: This is the best: One day there were four green frogs in the soup, and one decided to jump out leaving the other 3 in the soup. The one green frog that jumped out decided to jump back in!!! SO HE DID!!!!!

Hi! My name is mark
Ok...here it is: my neighbor drove by in jamaican mobile, it go put-put down the street. It got hit by a walking beef. now no more jamaican mobile. nomore put-put down the street

Hi! My name is Katie Shifler
If you like my joke, mail me at ktqt_shifler@hotmial.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was this man who had just died and was standing before St.Peter and St. Peter said he had to answer only 2 questions and then he would get into heaven. The man said ok and so St.Peter asked the first question which was what are the 2 days of the week that start with the letter "T" and the man answered today and tomorrow. St. Peter saids "Well that isn't what i was looking for but i'll take it." Then St. Peter asked,"What is the name of the guy that created the earth and everything in it?" The man said," This is an easy question of course his name is Andy." St. Peter said," What?" And the man starts singing "Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me and i know that i am his own...

Hi! My name is me!!
Ok...here it is: There was 2 girls out driving to the mall, one day and they got in a crash. They went to hell and asked the devil how they could get out, he said that they had to shake hands with the ugliest thing imaginable. so 1 girl went and shook the hand of this ugly THING and she went to find her friend, she saw her shaking hands with a small, cute little girl and she said to her friend, what are you doing? you are ment to shake hands with something ugly. Then the sweet little girl said. its not her...its me....i wanna get outa here to!

Hi! My name is Farrah
If you like my joke, mail me at love_always_2003
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Forest Gump went to heaven and St.Peter met him at the gate and said that he had to answer one question before he could come in. He said Okay. St. Peter said okay yor question id what is Jesus last name? He said he didn't know so St. Peter knowing he was slow, gave him a day to think it over. the next day he found Forest and said okay what is jesus last name. Forest said, it is Andy. St. Peter with a stunned look said why do you think that? Forest said Well, every Sunday me and mom would go to church and we would sing and he walks woth me and he talks with me.... :)

Hi! My name is judah
If you like my joke, mail me at judah36@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: ok once three guys were in a ariplane and they crash-landed on the deasert and these indians found them and brang them to there camp they told them that um were going to eat your insides and make your skin into a canoe they said you each get a last request the first guy says um i want to call my mommie so he calls hes mom the second guy says i dont want a request {preatty stupid huh} the third guy says i want a fork they dont know why they gave it to them but they did he takes the fork and stabs him self with it a hundred times then says haha i wreaked your canoe hahahahalolhahahahlolohahahahalol

Hi! My name is Jane
If you like my joke, mail me at jnmcdougall@mediaone.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: This kid learned in school of how George Washington chopped down the cherry tree and that when he told his father the truth about the matter, he didn't get in trouble. Well the kid starts thinking what if that happens when I tell the truth. So this kid gets mischevious and hooks his horse to the outhouse in his backyard and lets the horse run free pulling and knocking down the outhouse. The kid runs inside so he won't get caught. As he and his family sat down at the dinner table his father walks in and in a stern voice he says,"Who knocked down the outhouse?" The kid stands up and says, " Father I cannot tell a lie, it was me" his father sends him to his room and was going to get a beating for what he did. As the father walked in his room the kid says" Dad, I don't get it when George Washington cut down the cherry tree and told the truth to his father he didn't get punished." and the father says" Well, George Washington's father wasn't inside the cherry tree when he cut it down!!!!"

Hi! My name is shayna sims
If you like my joke, mail me at geralds@telepath.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: one night a burgular broke into this preachers house while the preacher was at church.The burgular started to take everything and while he was ransacking this home, he kept hearing something say, "God's gonna get ya." Well at first he didn't pay to much attention to it but after a while it really started to get on his nerves. So therefore, he goes through the house until he discovers this bird who keeps saying this. And the bird will not shutup so the burgular takes the bird cage down in hopes to quite the bird. The bird says one more time, "I told you, Gods gonna get you." All of the sudden the burgular hears a dog growling and barking at him so he runs and the dog chases after him and the bird says, "See, God got ya."

Hi! My name is George Arch
If you like my joke, mail me at friendshere@webtv.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: What's another term for a hail storm? answer: An angelic driveby

Hi! My name is Jen
If you like my joke, mail me at larry_girl9@juno.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: I was walking down the street the other day and this guy said, "I haven't had a bite for weeks." So, I bit him.

Hi! My name is jessica
Ok...here it is: there was these three brothers who lived in this little town. the three brothers always got in trouble. so one day their mother called the priest in to talk to the three brothers. the preist called in the youngest one first. he asked the child, "where is God?" the little boy started to look around the room so the preist asked him again, the boy started to look under things and on top of shelves.the priest keep asking the boy "where is God?" the little boy finnally ran out of the room to his older brothers and said "we're in trouble!" "why?" the brothers asked "cause god's missing and they think we have something to do with it" the boy answered.

Hi! My name is Sylvia
If you like my joke, mail me at sds_20@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, "Where would man be today if it were not for woman?" She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?" From the back of the room came a voice... "He'd still be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries!"

Hi! My name is Brandon Johnson
If you like my joke, mail me at Godon_1@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There is three leaders up in planes. The first one is a German and he dropps a silver star on his country for it's bravory! The next one a American droped a golden star on his country for it's bravery! And the Polish one droped a gernade on it's country for it's bravory! When the German Get's back to his country and sees a little boy crying; he asks " little boy why are you crying?" " A silver star fell out of the sky and killed my dady!" Then the American man got home and he also saw a little girl crying! " Little boy why are you crying?" " A golden star fell out of the sky and killed my daddy!" Then the Polend got home and saw a little boy laughing! " Little boy why are you laughing?!" "MY DAD FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!!"

Hi! My name is Becca R
If you like my joke, mail me at the_scarlet_pimpernel@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A Pastor decided to take a sunday off and go golfing instead. He drove to a far course, to avoid meeting any parishiners. When St. Peter saw this he went to God, "You are just going to ALLOW him to get away with this?!" "Don't worry. I've got it under control," God replied calmly. Soon, St. Peter was watching the Pastor's game. By afternoon he had made a perfect score. A hole in one every single time! St. Peter was absolutely furious, "God, you said you would handle it and he got a perfect score! Tell me, how is that punishment?!" God smiled and said, "Tell me, who is he going to tell?"

Hi! My name is Sylvia Simmons
If you like my joke, mail me at hotstuff_excel@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day a group of scientists got together and decided that humans had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell God so. The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you; We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't You just go on and get lost." God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay,great!" "But," God added, "we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt."

Hi! My name is Nicole Lewis
If you like my joke, mail me at shauncole@webtv.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day an athiest teacher asked Johnny "do you see that tree out there"?Johnn replied "Yes I do"."OK then do you see the grass"? "Well sure I see the grass". "Go outside and tell me if you see the sky". He came bake in and said"Well sure its there its always there". "OK now go outside and look at the sky and tell me if you see God". Johnny comes back in and said,"Well no I didn't see him". "Thats because he doesnt exist"! So little Anna stood up and said "Can I ask Johnny some questions"? "Well I guess I dont see anything wrong with that". "Johnny do you see that tree"? "Yes"Johnny said (Getting a little tired of the questions). "Do you see the grass"? "Yes I see the grass"! "OK then do you see the teacher"? "Yes I see the teacher". "Do you see the teachers brain"? "Well no I don't". "Does that mean it doesn't exist"?

Hi! My name is Sarah
If you like my joke, mail me at sarah_kurtz7@webtv.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Ghandi(some old guy that lived a long time ago)walked around a lot, and almost always without shoes on. he had a lot of calluses on his feet.He barely ate, so he was very frail. His bad eating habits also gave him chronic bad breath. This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic vixed with halitosis!

Hi! My name is Bobby Herrington
If you like my joke, mail me at kherri8932@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Dad says to son "WHen will I ever see your room clean again" son says " When you take drugs that affect your vision"

Hi! My name is Michelle
If you like my joke, mail me at Larryrules02@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: If women had been at the birth of Jesus (Three wise "women"): *They would have asked for directions *They would have arrived on time *They would have helped with the delivery *They would have cleaned the stable *They would have made a cassorole *They would have brought practical gifts

Hi! My name is Kelley
If you like my joke, mail me at k_gloria1667@chickmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was a little boy, about 6 years old. He really wanted a bike- he had 2 older sisters and they both had bikes and by golly, he wanted one too. He was from a devout Catholic family, and his mother told him to ask the Holy Mother for a bike, seeing as it would be a good oppurtunity to teach her son to pray. So every night for a week he prayed to the Mother of Jesus for a bike, and after a week of not being answered he had an idea. He went and got a towel from the bathroom. He took his little statue of Mary, wrapped her up in the towel and buried her in the backyard. That night when he said his prayers the little boy said, "Alright Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again you better send me a bike!"

Hi! My name is Jessica
If you like my joke, mail me at lynnie@iolok.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A blonde dies and goes to heaven. When she got to the gate she met saint Peter. Peter said befor you come into heaven you have to pass this test. The blonde said oh no! Dont worry I will make it easy. She said ok. He asked her who God's son was. She said "Andy!" Sait peter said where did you get that at? She began singing Andy walked with me...Andy talked with me...

Hi! My name is Deno
If you like my joke, mail me at UGoSquishNow2@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day a lady was writing to a hotel to ask where the bathroom was in a certain hotel (don't ask why) but she just didn't feel right writing bathroom so she decided to write WC instead (WC stands for Water Closet) here is her letter Dear sir/madam, I am planning on staying at your hotel and I wondered where the WC was. I know this is an unusual question but I would like to know. Signed, Mrs. Nikelos The manager of the hotel had absolutly no idea what a WC was. After much pondering on what it was he decided it must be a WhiteChurch, since that made sense. So the manager wrote back Dear Madam, Our hotel does not happen to have A WC. The nearest one happens to be about 3 miles away. It is open from 6:00 to 12 and seats about 200. The seats are padded and comfertable. The viewing is great and you will be seen clearly. The hearing is quite clear. Me and my wife have not been able to go for many years under the curcumstances so these thing might have changed. I dought it though. I hope you enjoy your stay. Signed, Mr. Manager Now this lady was devasted and decided not to stay at this hotel. She decided to stay home for her vacation.

Hi! My name is Jessie Taylor
If you like my joke, mail me at videodoc@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: GOD: Satan I think that I am going to take you to court for all the bad stuff you have done SATAN: And where do you think you are going to get a lawyer

Hi! My name is Willie D
If you like my joke, mail me at bMaynor7@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Three Scientist told God one day that they can do anything that He can do even better..God said."Let's put it to a test, I want yall to make me a human out of a hand full of dirt."..The three scientist bent down got some dirt, God said, "NO...NO...NO, go get your own dirt...."

Hi! My name is mike
If you like my joke, mail me at xcrunner9903@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was an american, russian ,cuban and a puerto rican ridin along in the car. so the russian takes an expensive bottle of wine and takes a short drink and throws it out the window. and the american tells the russian why he threw a good bottle of wine out the window. and the russian tell him "dont worry we have many of these in my country" next the cuban lights up a huge cuban cigar and takes one puff and throws it out the window. so the american ask the cuban why he threw out a good cuban cigar , and the cuban says "dont worry we have many of these in my country" so the american picks up the PUERTO RICAN and throws him out the window.!!!!!!!!!

Hi! My name is misty Sexton
If you like my joke, mail me at sextonm@minford.k12.oh.us
and tell me! Ok...here it is: What did Lot say to his wife as they were leaving Sodom? What is that behind you honey?

Hi! My name is Jonathan Miller
If you like my joke, mail me at Amish_Dude15@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: One day Pres. Clinton was visiting a school. He happened upon an elementary Enlish class and, finding the subject interesting, he decided to stand in the back and listen. To his suprise the teacher immediately introduced him and asked him to take over the subject, the definition of words, for a couple of minutes. He agreed and walked to the front of the classroom. He looked at the list and asked, "Who can give me an example of a 'tragedy?'" One little boy shyly stood and gave his opinion. "If my little brother was riding his bike and a car hit him, that would be a tragedy." Clinton smiled and replied,"No, son, actually that would be an accident." Another little boy stood and replied, "If a busload of kids were going to the park and the bus ran off a bridge and killed all the kids, that would be a tragedy." Once again, Clinton smiled and replied, "No, that would not be a tragedy. I would call that a 'great loss.'" The children didn't know what to think, but finally a young girl stood and gave her answer. "If the President of the United States was flying in his airplane and it crashed and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "Yes! Yes!" said Clinton, "That is more like it! But why did you give that as an example?" The little girl replied, "Well, it probably wouldn't be an accident-and it sure wouldn't be a great loss!

Hi! My name is Christy
If you like my joke, mail me at kitkat_cb@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: I got this in an email and thought it was really funny. yeah, so some of them are stupid... there are a few missing, but there is a reason, k? =) & sorry it's sorta long! check dis out! Have an Extra-Specially Fun Time At Wal-Mart! 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens. 5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10." 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 7. Put M&M's on layaway. 8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 11. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 14. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 15. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms. 16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible." 17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 19. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!" 20. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" 21. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it 22. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

Hi! My name is sunshine
If you like my joke, mail me at babybluues17@hotmail.,com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Did you hear about the polish family that was traveling to chicago for a visit? It was a long drive and they followed all the signs until they got to Chicago -left. So they went home . HAHHAHAHAH its ok i have a little polish in me so no offense all.

Hi! My name is CJ Comer
If you like my joke, mail me at m2717@creative-net.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A lady was asking God how long she had to live one day. "40 more years," said God. The lady was so happy, she went out and had plastic surey done to her face. On the way home, she got hit by a bus. "You said I had 40 more years," she complained. "Sorry," said God, "but since you had plastic surey, I didn't reconize you!"

Hi! My name is Sarah
If you like my joke, mail me at practically_perfect@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: If you can start the day without caffeine, * If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, * If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, * If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it, * If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you anytime, * If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, * If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, * If you can face the world without lies and deceit, * If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong, * If you can conquer tension without medical help, * If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics, * * * * * * * * * Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.

Hi! My name is FoolForChristsSake
If you like my joke, mail me at srprimeaux@earthlink.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A man met God and asked, " What is a million years to you? " Like a second," God answered. " What is ten million dollars to you," was the next question. " Like a dime," came the answer." Well then," the man continued, " Can I borrow a dime?" God responded, " Just a second."

Hi! My name is Leia
If you like my joke, mail me at sketteri@sdcoe.k12.ca.us
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Why do they print "DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN" on the bottom of a pie?

Hi! My name is Austin Powers
If you like my joke, mail me at God forbid I give it away!
and tell me! Ok...here it is: I'm soooo groovy baby!

Hi! My name is Steve Bell
If you like my joke, mail me at sbell@ratedg.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Man talking to a smoker: I don't smoke but I chew. Don't smoke on me and I wont spit on you!

Hi! My name is Stephan Bell
If you like my joke, mail me at sbell@ratedg.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Did you hear about the man who invented the ejection seat for a helicopter? Did you hear about the man who was so happy once he found out he could put Right Guard under his left arm? Did you hear about the man who won a GOLD medal at the olympics? He had it BRONZED!

Hi! My name is Kat
If you like my joke, mail me at justkiddin'@im notgoingtotellmyemail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There was this preacher that went on a vacation with his family. On Sunday they went to the local church. The choir sang and then the pastor began his lesson. Pretty soon everyone was asleep or almost there. Then - to the shock of everyone else - the pastor said,"I spent half of my life in the arms of another woman!" Well of course this shocked the congregation out of their wits (and everyone woke up as well). The pastor continued on with his sermon by saying,"Yes, my mother held me through everything I went through in my young life. Now it is my wife that holds me tight." And the pastor finished his sermon. Well the visiting pastor thought to himself,"That was a pretty cool trick to get the people to listen to you. I'll have to remember that." Well the next week the pastor was back in his own parish. In about the middle of his sermon all the people were about to go to sleep or already there, so he deceides to use his new trick that he learned. All of a sudden he booms out in his meanancing voice,"I spent half of my life in the arms of another woman. The congregation gasps. All of a sudden the pastor's mind goes blank. His wife is staring at him like a trator. He finally fumbles out,"But I can't for the life of me remember her name." (You can probably guess what happened to the pastor!)

Hi! My name is Mathea
If you like my joke, mail me at thea1992@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Why did Noah almost not let the chickens on the ark? Because they used fowl languge

Hi! My name is lisa marie
Ok...here it is: why do clarinetists put their cases on the dash board? so they can park in handicapped spaces.

Hi! My name is Sarah
If you like my joke, mail me at joyful_one@excite.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Once upon a time, there was a whale and a herring, who were the best of friends. They always swam around and explored the ocean together. They were inseparable; you never saw one without the other. Then suddenly, one day, the whale disappeared. All the other fish wondered where he was, so they asked the herring. He replied, "How should I know? Am I my blubber's kipper?"

Hi! My name is Ann-Marie
If you like my joke, mail me at -------------------------
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Knock, knock. -who's there? Dogs. -dog's who? No they don't-dog's bark!

Hi! My name is aj*
If you like my joke, mail me at wahoo_starr@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: What do you say to someone when they steal the cheese off your plate? (answer:) Hey! That's na-cho cheese! (not your...not yo' cheese, like nachos...get it? It's like slang.)

Hi! My name is Jenn
If you like my joke, mail me at jenniffer_8@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Do you know why the preachers kids are so mean? They have to play with the deacons kids.

Hi! My name is Jennifer Adcock
If you like my joke, mail me at jja8@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A rich, Christian man was talking to God, "Can't I take it with me when I go?" God always answered the same way, "NO!" Finally one day the man talked God into it and God said, "Okay you can take two suitcases full of anything you want." The man filled up two suitcases full of gold. When the rich man reached the pearly gates St. Peter asked the rich man why he had two suitcases. The rich man said, "It's okay I've already cleared it with God." St. Peter asked him to open the suitcases, when the rich man opened the suitcase, St. Peter said, "Why'd you bring paving?"

Hi! My name is Cargo
If you like my joke, mail me at cargo1@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: St peter is patrolling heavens boundries, when he discovers a hole in the left wall. At once he summons god, and they come to the conclusion that it must off been some one in Hell as all people in are good and won't break holes in our walls. Satan Is summoned and God Says "Satan, One off your people smashed a hole in our wall" Satan refuses to believe. God see no Use but to sue Satan. Satam just laughed replying "Where are you going to get a lawyer??"

Hi! My name is Natasha
If you like my joke, mail me at HowardVR@compuserve.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Jesus and Satan were having an essay writing contest, and God was the judge. Satan knew Jesus was a faster typer than he was so he sent his demons to crash Jesus' computer. When Satan went to hand in the essay, God said Jesus had already handed his in and won. When Satan asked how this could be God said "Jesus saves" Ha Ha, this is you, laughing. or at least you should be.

Hi! My name is brent
Hi! My name is TIB
If you like my joke, mail me at tibido@concentric.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A preacher stops by an elderly woman's home who's also a member of the church. She welcomes him in to the living room where they both sit to chat. Sitting on the coffee table In front of him is a bowl of peanuts. He's asks her if she wouldn't mind if he had a few. Of course she obliges. After a while of carrying on the conversation he realizes he ate all the peanuts. He says to her, "I'm sorry but I didn't mean to eat all of your peanuts" She says, "That's ok, Since I got my dentures I've only been able to suck the chocolate off them."

Hi! My name is Cassie Shronce
If you like my joke, mail me at cassie227@earthlink.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A preacher had two sons, one an optimist and the other a pessimist. He decided one day to change his pessimist son's ways so he put him in a room with all new toys and the optimist boy in a room of old, dirty toys. About an hour later he went to check on them; the pessimist son said "Father, these toys are no fun, I'm bored." Well then he went to check on the optimist son but he couldn't find him in the room so he called his name and up popped the little boy out of the middle of all the toys and said "Daddy I know there's a pony in here somewhere!"

Hi! My name is *JeSuS LoVeR*
If you like my joke, mail me at I'm not posting any e-mail adress
and tell me! Ok...here it is: This blonde was goin in a barber shop for a haircut. She goes in with a huge headphones and sits on the chair and tells the barber guy to cut eher hair, he says "But u have to take your headphones off" she replies "nah, just cut around them" he starts cutting her hair, till he got to the point where he really had to take the headphones off to cut her hair. "Take your headphones off!!!! " he said, "NO!!!" she replied, he kept goin, till it got to the point where it reeeeeeally needed to take the headphones off, he grabbed it out of her head, all of the sudden, she fell off the chair!!! She wasn't breathing either!!! He yelled "Oh my goodness!!! she's not bresthing!! I wonder what she was listening to!! " he put on the headphones, and it said "Breath in , breathe out""

Hi! My name is Edward Ransom
If you like my joke, mail me at LynxAwakening@startrekmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: << Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code steaming up the screen for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cried he had nothing, and lost it all when the power went out! God then said "Let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, and voices of angels poured forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished and stutters, "H-h-h-how?? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckled, and said "Everybody knows...Jesus SAVES!!"

Hi! My name is Edward Ransom
If you like my joke, mail me at LynxAwakening@startrekmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Actually, I've got three usless facts: "Did you know that there is enough sand in Northern Africa to fill the Sahara Desert?" "Wherever you go, there you are." "Old Chinese proverb say 'Man who stand on toilet is high on pot'."

Hi! My name is *the JoKeR*
If you like my joke, mail me at hiroshi@uio.satnet.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: this old man in his late 70's goes to the doctor. the doctor says"U're in really good conditions, how do u keep yourself in that condition???" the old man says "oh, itz the clean house, and my God who turns the light on for me whenever i go to the bathroom!!" the doctor said to himself"this guy is nuts!!! " the doctor called his wife and told her " our husband is in real good PHYSICAL conditions, but pretty bad MENTAL conditions . He says his God turns on the light everytime he goes to the bathroom!!!" then the wife exclaimed "A-HA! so he was the one peeing in the fridge!!"

Hi! My name is Natsumi
If you like my joke, mail me at hiroshi@uio.satnet.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: This guy died and the angel from heaven came to pick him up, and the angel says "Take one thing u would like to heaven, and meet me up this place" the angel passes him a map and left flying w7 itz wings, so the guy looks thru his stuff and remembers he has tons of gold, and he packs it up and walks miles and miles to where the Angel told him to meet him. and when he arrived the angel says "ok let me see" and the guy proudly opens his bag full of gold. The angel looks at him and asks "why'd u bring pavement???"

Hi! My name is Cargo
If you like my joke, mail me at Cargo1@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Jesus, Moses, and an old man. Playing golf. Moses steps up to the tee. and smacks the ball right into the water, then parts the water. Then hits in in for two. Jesus steps up. Hits it smack in the water. He walks on the water, then hits it in for two. The old man hits the ball, it flies in the sky, gets swallowed by a bird, the bird is struck by lightning then dies coughing the ball into the hole, for one. Jesus says "You didnt have to show off dad"

Hi! My name is pooky exclusive
If you like my joke, mail me at ma real nam is hitler
and tell me! Ok...here it is: by da way my address is not pook@aol.com (are kiddin, i would never put ma nam in dis page (ida be gettin hate mail yo)r

Hi! My name is pooky bear
If you like my joke, mail me at pooky@aol.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: 3 men in a plane, right? (im not sure really) ok ok now 1 wz a mexican 1 wz a brother 'n' 1 wz british yo, still w/me ok ok anyway dey wz flyin over mexico and the mexican dropped the mexican flag and said i luv me countree den suddenly dey wz in poland (yo i don know how dey did it but...) den the polish dude drops da polish flag and he says i luv me countree (i relly don no how to spel) den dey wz flynin over da us and da brother dropped a bomb and said i hate ma country (like i said fore i don no how dey is duin it) but suddenly dey is all in mexico and dey sees a poor litl boy cwying dey askes him whasamatter he says a very heavy flag hit me on ma head den suddenly dey wz in poland and dey sees dis litl girl cwyin and dey askes her whasamatter and she says a big flag hits a me and den dey is in da US and dey sees da brothers mama and she is laughin so bad and dey askes her whyalaughin????? and shE sAyS I farted and da buildin behind me blew up!!!!!!!!! -Cajen and his bro J-sun

Hi! My name is Tyler
If you like my joke, mail me at buoy2@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: A doctor and an insurance salesman are standing at the gate of heaven. When asked what he did to get into heaven, the doctor said he had saved many lives. Okay, you're allowed in, God responds. Then God asks the insurance salesman the same question. Well, I helped people in their time of need, he replied. God answered, Fine. You can stay for three days but then you'll have to leave.

Hi! My name is Katie
If you like my joke, mail me at gidget_ham@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: There were these two fish in there tank. And then one turns to the other and says,"Hey! How do you drive this thing?"

Hi! My name is kclyn
If you like my joke, mail me at casielyn@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room and suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you." the voice boomed a second time. The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage, and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said, 'Jesus is watching you.'?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What's your name?" "Clarence," the bird replied. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," the burglar sneered. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot replied, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiller Jesus!"

Hi! My name is Kclyn
If you like my joke, mail me at casielyn@hotmail.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room and suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you." the voice boomed a second time. The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage, and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said, 'Jesus is watching you.'?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

Hi! My name is Natty
If you like my joke, mail me at hirosh@uio.satnet.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: three guys died and went to heaven. They entered in the gates of heave, andthe angel asked one of the men. "Have u ever cheated on your wife??" the man answered "I must admit...many times sir" And th eangel told him "Ok, u get to thave a bicicle to ride in heaven for eternity"the angel said and the man took the bicicle and rode it on the streets of gold. "and u the second man, u ever cheated on your wife??" the angel asked "Sir only once!!" The man said "thatz pretty good, u get to have a motorcycle" and the angel gave him the motorcycle and went riding on it. " and u the third man, have u ever cheated on your wife??"The angel asked "NEVER, sir never, I luv my wife!!!" "Good I'll give u a porsch to ride in heaven 4-ever!!!!"and he went happy w/ his car. Sometime later, the men w/ the bycicle and the motorcycle saw the man w/ the car crying on top of the hill. they aproached him and asked "Why r u crying my brother?? U got a car, look what we got!!!!"and the cryingman answered them. "I saw my wife w/ rollerblades!!!" HA, Ha, HA!!!

Hi! My name is bob
If you like my joke, mail me at bob
and tell me! Ok...here it is: bob is my name

Hi! My name is Carrie
If you like my joke, mail me at carrie_0@yahoo.com
and tell me! Ok...here it is: QHow did Noah survive in the dark? AHe used floodlights !! QWhy did the minister walk on his hands? AIt was palm Sunday !

Hi! My name is Tim S.
If you like my joke, mail me at cdk2701@uslink.net
and tell me! Ok...here it is: Okay, there were these 3 blonds, and they died and went to heaven, and when they got there god said "Allright I will let you into heaven if you can tell me what the true meaning of easter is." So the first blond said, "thats easy thats when Santa Clause comes and gives you presents, its really neat!!" Then god said, "sorry , you're outta here" Then the second one said "Its when the easter bunny comes and gives you candy, its really neat!!" God said, "you're outta here" Then the third one said, thats when Jesus died and rose from the dead 3 days later" God said, "Wow very good, welcome." Then the blond said,"Yah, and when he walked out of the tomb, he saw a shadow, then there was 6 more weeks of winter!!"

Hi! My name is Chris
If you like my joke, mail me at brochris@newmail.net>Bro